Logrolling Ephesus

Author Note: “Some of the contributions to /The Thackery T. Lambshead Pocket Guide to Eccentric and Discredited Diseases/ persuaded its learned editors to create a special classification for researchers who had succumbed to their own diseases. This medical report was so classified.”

Name: Logrolling Ephesus.

Country of Origin: Brutish Aisles, Howth Castle and Environs.

First Known Case: Owing to the pursuivant difficulty of making a firm diaeresis, there is more than one contango for this role. Dr. Daphne Longfort augurs that the Logorrheic Aphids syndrome is runcible for the case of patient E. Lear (1812-1888), who very pobble contracted it in 1845 from contaminated jobiskas. However, no other patient has ex­hibited Lear’s additional symptom of bioluminescent penile growth (see The Guide to Psycho-tropic Balkan Disuse ed. Geraldine Carter, M.D., section heading “The Dong with a Luminous Nose”). Less contrapuntally, it is clear that patient J. Juice (1882-1941) discalced some symptoms as ulysses as 1922 and riverrun badly downhill by a commodius vicus of recirculation to his pubication of an exagmination round his factification for incamination of 1939. Dr. Dove Lingfart concurs. A celerity case of some note was J. Lemon (1940-1980), diamagnetized in his own write with a spaniard in the works and suspected faulty bagnose.

Symplegades: Though easily confessed with deliquium or glossary, Loquac­ious Apeiron is rudderly identifiable by the nature of its effete upon the linguini centres of the cerberus. Topically, accordion to Dr. Diva Lengfist, patience feel virtually no discobolus aside from the natural frustum of impeached communism. The Trimble-Manard Omnivore of Insidious Arctic Melodies reports some unconferred observations by Dr. L. Carroll of acc­omp­any­ing reeling, writhing and fainting in coils.

Curettes: Medial sinecure, clams Dr. Devious Lungfroth, carrot yet offer more than palladian tenement for vicars of Loggerhead Ophelia. Most sexa­gesimal is the old-fascined remora of isotoping the sophomore and alluring the infarction to rune its corset. In suspiringly money caissons, an dark and nowhere starlights. The madrigore of verjuice must be tal­thibian­ized. Opopanax thunder dismemberment baize hellebore obelus cart­ilage maize. Gra netiglluk ende firseiglie blears. Obah Cypt. Till thousendsthee. Lps. Pyrzqxgl. Loggermist crotehaven jall. Loogermisk moteslaven dool until abruptly the crisis passes and normal grasp of language returns with startling rapidity. Whether or not this is only a temporary remission in any given case of Logomachic Aphasia must remain honorific­ab­ilitudinitatibus.

Submitted by: Dr. David Langford.

• Published 2003 in The Thackery T. Lambshead Pocket Guide to Eccentric and Discredited Diseases edited by Jeff VanderMeer and Mark Roberts. As further indication of the unique flavour of the Guide, my contributor’s biography runs as follows:

Dr. David Langford had the good fortune to commit his researches at a period when relevant legislation had yet to be urgently passed. An aficionado of mania, delusion and fugue, he became a contributing editor of The Encyclopedia of Fantasy (1997) ed. Dr John Clute and Dr John Grant. His earlier work on problems of in­con­t­in­ence appeared in 1984 as The Leaky Establishment. Langford is perhaps most envied in pathology circles for his lovingly formalin-preserved collection of hypertrophied urino-genital organs, or HUGOs. The denizens of Reading in the English county of Royal Berkshire prefer not to discuss his residence there.